Crew Wanted?

When you tell them, “We’re going to be on a boat in Mexico for six months,” people’s reactions vary widely. But typically, they fall into one of the following categories:

  • People who think you are insane. They stammer, avoid eye contact, and look for a quick exit from the conversation. (Todd says this happened to him before we went sailing, but I think that was related to his ‘one day on, two days off’ showering schedule.)
  • People who admire you for “following your bliss”, but who know that such a choice is not for them. These people are polite and encouraging, and we thank the gods for them, because someone has got to keep the home fires burning!
  • People who harbor thoughts of a making a similar getaway. They get a faraway look in the eye, seem quiet for a moment, and then start asking you detailed questions about how to rent out your house.
  • People who, despite their total lack of sailing skills, have a wild flash of inspiration that they should join you!

We got an interesting ‘application’ from someone in the latter category that I figured we should post as an example for those looking for crew positions.

I don’t want to publish his name for fear that some other captain will snap him up, so let’s just call him “Frank”. Here’s what Frank had to say:

Let me know next time you take a trip and need a deck hand. I would make the ideal ‘hand on deck’. My sailing knowledge is extensive to say the least although there was one embarrassing rookie episode involving my misunderstanding of the use of the poop deck.

Just a few of my sea faring attributes:

  • I have a lot of technical knowledge. For example I know the big stick thingies support the large pieces of cloth so the wind can push the boat around.
  • I smoke cigarettes.
  • I get sea sick at the drop of a hat, so as long as no one drops their hat I’m fine.
  • I can cook as long as the menu consists of boiled water and/or toast.
  • I’m open minded concerning food as long as it’s not ‘lite’, contains or has been anywhere near tofu, and is the complete opposite of organic.
  • I sunburn in a heartbeat. I once got sunburned watching ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ on television. I use the sunscreen with the picture of Andy Warhol on the bottle.
  • I know lots of sailing terms like ‘gerbil the frig line’, ‘snort the phlegm mast’, ‘cleave the skiff knot’, and the one I hear the most, ‘get the hell out of my way before you kill us all’, just to name a few.
  • I can swim and execute a gold medal quality cannonball dive. (I wish splash dives were an Olympic sport, but then again, who doesn’t?)

References furnished upon request once they’re parolled.

5 Responses to “Crew Wanted?”

  1. MArcus says:

    Was that a “crew wanted”, or was it a “wanted crew” posting?

    When you post ads in the back of sailing magazines make sure you get it posted to the correct category. 😉

  2. The Peasleys says:

    Cruising in Mexico again? Brings back fond memories. Wishing you guys a great time!

  3. MArcus says:

    Your public wants to know where you guys are. If you are in theBay area could we get together for a beer?

  4. Trish says:

    Were I captain … I’d hire that anonymous “Frank” character. He would ‘lighten the load’ of weary seafarers (despite his confusion about the poop deck).

  5. Sharon says:

    Let’s be frank! I’d hire this guy in a heartbeat. He sounds like someone who could keep the boat afloat by sheer force of will, if he were worried it might sink. He would intervene if he noticed anyone parting the waters, probably shouting ‘Abandon Ship!!’ just before executing a cannonball worthy of a perfect 10! On the other hand, he could be a ‘dog gone wild’ while in port, so I’d keep him on a short leash!

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